[The fact is, Nameless doesn't really have anything he wants to conceal. So even as alarming or worrying as that was, watching himself crawl out of the lab, seeing all of his siblings look down on him with impassive expressions...
He doesn't really look upset to have Lavi witness all of that.
Back then, he wanted to live. He wanted to have a life worth living, even if it was a short one.
But it would always be short.
Nothing they can do about the past now.]
I don't know about right from the start. I think it was close to the beginning.
[It's hard to be that when you're just assorted elements.]
Lavi thinks about all those other bodies lined up on either side, thinks about how Nameless called them siblings he never even knew. Were they conscious too? Was it just Nameless?
He drops into the seat next to Nameless,]
...Even before you escaped. [he's not sure if that makes it bad or good. better for nameless to have been conscious, so that he could break out on his own, right?]
[The thing about the homunculi, is that they're supposed to be nameless, transparent existences. They're made for whatever the mage wants them to be for, nothing more, nothing less.
And yet, here Nameless is. His body is primed to accept anything that might be added to it, but there's a consciousness there that probably shouldn't be. With all the batches of homunculi, there's every reason to believe some of them came out flawed.]
[...Watching Nameless take those first few steps... It makes Lavi wonder how exactly he died. He tries to quench the thought right after, even though he's curious, even though he wants to know.
Knowing this place, he might end up seeing it anyway. The screen of the theater blinks and plays a new memory. This one in first person, Lavi's thoughts clearly heard as he stands besides a young girl, observing the official.
Figures that this memory would play.]
...I never saw those experiments myself. But Lenalee said she saw one once, as a kid. None of them ever survived.
[He's going to assume that young girl with Lavi is Lenalee.
His gaze stays on the screen for a moment. How many experiments... could happen within a century? Why didn't they just give up? Aren't humans supposed to care about other human lives?]
... Why did they keep going for a century if it never worked before?
[This he full stop does not understand at all, and his face expresses it.
He wanted to live so desperately, before he knew what death looked like. He was made as a battery for a war machine, more or less. So this... Is a truly baffling conclusion.]
It's crazy, huh? What people can sacrifice when they're made to believe. [...] But the people I should be judging are the ones that put them there in the first place.
That if they die, the lives of their loved ones can at least go on living? That if they put 'em on a scale, the world obviously wins out? There's no guarantee that they'll live, but at least in death they have a chance to ensure everyone else's future?
[he slumps further in his seat]
They don't have to know that it ends in failure, if they're dead.
[Lavi watches, like the audience he's meant to be. He watches like the Bookman he still thinks he should be. And he watches, as someone who knows Nameless and has come to care for him, despite good sense and what he's done.
He doesn't flinch, but he stiffens. Grows very still at the first strike, then the other. Compares this end to another. And finally, moments after the memory ends.]
...You deserved to live.
[grief presses at the edges of his words, words that can do nothing in the end.]
[He tried to live, tried to live his death, and he died both times. Once to the strikes of an enraged mage, and once to the cold steel of Lavi's hammer.
At least he tried to take off the mage's arm, even if that didn't work.]
This is still a life. We're still ourselves, here.
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He doesn't really look upset to have Lavi witness all of that.
Back then, he wanted to live. He wanted to have a life worth living, even if it was a short one.
But it would always be short.
Nothing they can do about the past now.]
I don't know about right from the start. I think it was close to the beginning.
[It's hard to be that when you're just assorted elements.]
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Lavi thinks about all those other bodies lined up on either side, thinks about how Nameless called them siblings he never even knew. Were they conscious too? Was it just Nameless?
He drops into the seat next to Nameless,]
...Even before you escaped. [he's not sure if that makes it bad or good. better for nameless to have been conscious, so that he could break out on his own, right?]
Did you meet Rider right after?
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And yet, here Nameless is. His body is primed to accept anything that might be added to it, but there's a consciousness there that probably shouldn't be. With all the batches of homunculi, there's every reason to believe some of them came out flawed.]
Yes. He came across me right after this cut off.
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Knowing this place, he might end up seeing it anyway. The screen of the theater blinks and plays a new memory. This one in first person, Lavi's thoughts clearly heard as he stands besides a young girl, observing the official.
Figures that this memory would play.]
...I never saw those experiments myself. But Lenalee said she saw one once, as a kid. None of them ever survived.
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His gaze stays on the screen for a moment. How many experiments... could happen within a century? Why didn't they just give up? Aren't humans supposed to care about other human lives?]
... Why did they keep going for a century if it never worked before?
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[there's a dry edge to his voice that shows what he thinks of that,]
All those people who died are worth less compared to the world they think they're trying to save. It all comes down to numbers, in the end.
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Yes, he's been seeing people murder for a number of reasons, but it's not been for a century.]
So they weighed all these lives against the world and thought the world meant more?
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It probably helped that the humans who died in those experiments thought the same too. That their life wasn't as important compared to ending the war.
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He wanted to live so desperately, before he knew what death looked like. He was made as a battery for a war machine, more or less. So this... Is a truly baffling conclusion.]
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It's crazy, huh? What people can sacrifice when they're made to believe. [...] But the people I should be judging are the ones that put them there in the first place.
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[he slumps further in his seat]
They don't have to know that it ends in failure, if they're dead.
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Not everyone gets to know the truth, even when they deserve it.
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His last living memories.]
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He doesn't flinch, but he stiffens. Grows very still at the first strike, then the other. Compares this end to another. And finally, moments after the memory ends.]
...You deserved to live.
[grief presses at the edges of his words, words that can do nothing in the end.]
You should have gotten that second chance.
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At least he tried to take off the mage's arm, even if that didn't work.]
This is still a life. We're still ourselves, here.
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...And maybe this time it'll stick.
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... Hopefully.